A. James Editing

I had the pleasure of visiting the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI) yesterday with a friend. They currently have a space exhibit that is full of all kinds of interesting information, some of which might actually be useful to one’s everyday life.

At the very beginning of the exhibit, the last words spoken by Gene Cernan, the last man to step on the moon, are written large on a wall. This is what is written on the poster:

This is Gene and I’m on the surface and as I take man’s last step from the surface, back home for some time to come–but we believe not too long into the future–I’d like to just say what I believe history will record. That America’s challenge of today has forged man’s destiny of tomorrow, and as we leave the Moon and Taurus-Littrow, we leave as we came and God willing as we shall return, with peace and hope for all mankind. Godspeed the crew of Apollo 17.

You can read it as many times as you like and you still might have difficulty. It’s true that people do talk like this, improvised and uncut, but that’s where a skilled copywriter comes in with the skills and knowledge to either create an excellent piece of copy from scratch or, as would have been the case with this quote, rewrite copy to be more easily read without sacrificing the meaning of the original document.

With my copywriting powers combined, this is how I would have rewritten Gene’s quote:

This is Gene and I’m on the surface [of the moon]. As I take man’s last step from the surface, back home for some time to come, I’d like to just say what I believe history will record: that America’s challenge of today has forged man’s destiny of tomorrow. And as we leave the Moon and Taurus-Littrow, we leave as we came and, God willing, as we shall return, with peace and hope for all mankind. Godspeed [to] the crew of Apollo 17.

Gene’s speech is still a little choppy, but those are his spoken words after all. What I did was utilize various forms of punctuation to force readers to pause and allow the text to move forward smoothly. The exhibit goes until May 31, 2010.

In an effort to ease its budget crisis and reduce its $419 billion debt, the Greek government has approved a series of drastic tax increases and spending cuts. The Greek people, however, were not asked what they thought of the plan and are rising up in protest at the cuts to their income.

Much thanks to the BBC for bringing us this important news, but may I offer a soft critique? Hire another proofreader. The few that you have missed some key things in this article.

The three things that I found were the placement of abbreviations, lack of consistency in comma usage and simple grammar. I’ll outline the errors in that order.

The International Monetary Fund is mentioned twice before the abbreviation, IMF, is given. It is common practice in any kind of writing, whether it be thesis, book or online news article, to give the abbreviation immediately after the term first occurs so the writer can then use the abbreviation throughout the rest of the article instead of having to retype the entire term (this might be more important in print media as space per article is very limited).

There are two instances when the author of this article could have used a serial comma (placing a comma after every item in a list) or not. The author used a serial comma the first time, but not the second. Using one over the other is not necessarily right or wrong, but having a lack of consistency in your usage is definitely not professional. Serial comma usage:

The measures include rises in sales taxes, a cut in holiday bonuses paid to civil servants, and a pensions freeze.

No serial comma usage:

Rises in taxes on fuel, cigarettes and alcohol

The last item I noted was a simple grammatical blip; a matter of the word “a” versus the word “an”. In the following case, “An” would be the correct word to use.

A increase in sales tax from 19% to 21%

Good luck to the Greeks in sorting out what is both best for the people and for the future of the country.

The Sun Also Rises is a classic. Most people know this and if you don’t, don’t worry. There must be a very good reason why. First published by Scribner (now an imprint of Simon & Schuster) in 1926, I don’t know if other publishers and subsequent publications have this same error, but in my copy of Earnest Hemingway’s book, page 133 strikes a blow to Scribner’s proofreaders.

We paid for the message and walked back to the inn. Harris was there and the three of us walked up to Roncesvalles. We went through the monastery. ‘It’s remarkable place,’ Harris said, when we came out.

No, Harris, it’s not remarkable place. A remarkable place, perhaps, but remarkable place, never.

Are you taking notes Simon? Schuster?

As most of you are aware, some Toyota vehicles have a dangerous defect that causes cars to accelerate rather than slow down when the brakes are applied. This new evidence could vindicate Koua Fong Lee of St. Paul, MN whose Toyota Camry hit the back of a car, killing three of its occupants, in 1996. He has been in prison ever since. Read the full Huffington Post article here.

True to form, I found an error in this copy. It’s not a typo this time but a matter of a comma that could have been employed to make this sentence read a little easier.

Attorneys for both the 32-year-old St. Paul man as well as the victims’ families say they’re encouraged by the evidence that the problems went beyond models that originally were recalled.

I would have added a comma after “families” like this:

Attorneys for both the 32-year-old St. Paul man as well as the victims’ families, say they’re encouraged by the evidence that the problems went beyond models that originally were recalled.

That’s all.

A Reliable Wife is the national bestselling debut novel of Robert Goolrick. It was published in 2009 by Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill, a division of Workman Publishing. I enjoyed the novel and would have read it straight through if I had had the luxury. It was at once suspenseful and predictable. To any of you interested in a story of love, redemption and simple wickedness I would recommend this book.

The one thing I didn’t like, or more specifically, the three things I didn’t like, were…you guessed it! Typos! I found three of them upon the first read. Who knows what a more detailed look would reveal. I’ll list one of the three. It occurs on page 264 in the second paragraph:

It wasn’t enough to want all women; he wanted Catherine be all women to him.

Whether this is Goolrick’s blunder and it went uncorrected by the proofreader or someone else deleted the word “to” between “Catherine” and “be” we may never know. But this much I know is true, someone allowed this blunder to make it into print.